Monday, 11 July 2011

Honesty

I haven't been here for a little while.  My heads been in a bit of a funk.  I have been tempted to visit when I have felt down but I've avoided the temptation to blurt it all out on here.  This is my happy place or it is supposed to be but does that make it honest?  Is everyone happy all the time?  I know the answer to that but if that is the case why do we pretend so much?  Wouldn't life be better for everyone if we didn't?

I don't mean we should all walk around being miserable - not by a long shot.  I do truly believe there is so much in the world to be positive about, but sometimes when things become too much I feel so alone and even though logic tells me otherwise all I see is a world of happy, bubbly people and I wonder what is wrong with me.  I'm discovering through my writing that I am actually pretty normal, or that is the conclusion I am coming to, whatever normal might be.  Maybe I just think I am normal, because it is my definition.

I can't see how it could be normal to be up, bubbly and enthusiastic every second of every day.  Maybe in a fantasy world but even then I don't think so.  Wouldn't we just stagnate?  Isn't a little bit of questioning and discontent necessary to bring about change or at least appreciation for everything life has handed us?  I am asking lots of questions today but that is how my mind works.  The answers come slowly, although sometimes not at all, but I think the secret to our happiness is in the questions that we ask and the answers that we seek.  How else can we hope to understand ourselves?  I have been asking many, many, many questions, maybe even too many over the last week or so but I am happy to say I have also discovered some answers.

I used to ask why and expect something outside of myself to answer.  Often I didn't even want an answer it was more a complaint, a why me, without any effort in discovering the answer on my part required.  That didn't get me far.  Neither has a lot of my practises but I am really trying to change that so I can change funk to spunk and I can move ahead either in a new direction or follow the same path with new purpose and resolve.

There are many different paths to choose,

This one was at Rainbow Beach in QLD
This one on Fraser Island
This one at a beach on the Sunshine Coast
 


But ultimately it will be my decision which direction I choose to head and mine alone and that is something I am going to embrace.  Fear may be natural and to a certain extent necessary but it should never be crippling. 

Life is for living, not just existing!

1 comment:

greenlabyrinth said...

I haven't been on here much either, but that is because life hands us so much sometimes. Either way, I'm glad to see you up and still running. I love the photo of your footprint (or what I think is your footprint). It's the perfect picture to your closing statement.