Honesty

I haven't been here for a little while.  My heads been in a bit of a funk.  I have been tempted to visit when I have felt down but I've avoided the temptation to blurt it all out on here.  This is my happy place or it is supposed to be but does that make it honest?  Is everyone happy all the time?  I know the answer to that but if that is the case why do we pretend so much?  Wouldn't life be better for everyone if we didn't?

I don't mean we should all walk around being miserable - not by a long shot.  I do truly believe there is so much in the world to be positive about, but sometimes when things become too much I feel so alone and even though logic tells me otherwise all I see is a world of happy, bubbly people and I wonder what is wrong with me.  I'm discovering through my writing that I am actually pretty normal, or that is the conclusion I am coming to, whatever normal might be.  Maybe I just think I am normal, because it is my definition.

I can't see how it could be normal to be up, bubbly and enthusiastic every second of every day.  Maybe in a fantasy world but even then I don't think so.  Wouldn't we just stagnate?  Isn't a little bit of questioning and discontent necessary to bring about change or at least appreciation for everything life has handed us?  I am asking lots of questions today but that is how my mind works.  The answers come slowly, although sometimes not at all, but I think the secret to our happiness is in the questions that we ask and the answers that we seek.  How else can we hope to understand ourselves?  I have been asking many, many, many questions, maybe even too many over the last week or so but I am happy to say I have also discovered some answers.

I used to ask why and expect something outside of myself to answer.  Often I didn't even want an answer it was more a complaint, a why me, without any effort in discovering the answer on my part required.  That didn't get me far.  Neither has a lot of my practises but I am really trying to change that so I can change funk to spunk and I can move ahead either in a new direction or follow the same path with new purpose and resolve.

There are many different paths to choose,

This one was at Rainbow Beach in QLD

This one on Fraser Island

This one at a beach on the Sunshine Coast

 

But ultimately it will be my decision which direction I choose to head and mine alone and that is something I am going to embrace.  Fear may be natural and to a certain extent necessary but it should never be crippling. 

Life is for living, not just existing!

Lifestyle thoughts

"You've got nothing to lose."  What exactly does that mean?  I find that anytime people tell me or anyone else that, the truth is the complete opposite.  Where is this coming from?  I don't normally rant on here.  I have a job interview on Thursday and I am nervous.  Strangely, when I didn't think I would even get to interview stage, I wasn't too fussed.  That feeling changed drastically when I received the phone call telling me I had won an interview.  Yes, won, that is how I felt. 

It would seem that I don't have time to fit a job into my schedule and possibly I don't but I have always been amazed at what can be achieved when a sufficient dose of desire is added to the mix.  Yes, I will continue to home school my children, and yes I will continue to write every day, and yes I will even attempt to find time to sleep in there somewhere.  The job is only part time so I should be fine.  If not, I will find a way to make it so.

Back to my original question, what is "You've got nothing to lose," supposed to mean?  How is it supposed to offer comfort?  Of course, I have something to lose, otherwise I wouldn't be concerned about the outcome.  I have the dream of the ideal lifestyle for my family to lose and  I have a little bit of me to lose too. 

I don't tend to spend much time on things that don't mean something to me.  If I did, I would have lost one of the most precious commodoties of modern day living - time.  I know some people claim they have too much time on their hands but not many.  I like to be busy.  I like to have just that little bit more to do than I have time to achieve, maybe I am a touch insane, but I like to feel I have something to get on with.  Don't think that means that I live a frantic life, quite the opposite. 

Some of the things on my to do list are:

• plan next terms home schooling, especially the science which I have barely looked at,
• write up the end of term reports that I like to put together for both the kids and my benefit
• read the countless books scattered around my house and on my 'books I want to read' list, 
• take a photographic journey of my local beaches,
• write a collection of personal essays,
• attend a drawing class,
• draw,
• explore the National Parks and kayak the many waterways that make up the area I live in
• and, catch up with friends that I haven't seen for way too long.

This list is far from exhausted; in fact it is only the beginning.  I have left off the things I have to do, food shopping, washing, vacuuming blah, blah, blah.  Domestic goddess I am not!  I am more a do what has to be done goddess.  I have friends that love housework, or if they don't love it, they still dedicate what seems like most of their waking hours to it, that is not me, nor will it ever be. 

I forgot to mention doing the books for the business, it's end of financial year time.  That could go on either list since I really don't mind doing them. I could even go so far as to say I quite enjoy the process.  That's just me.  I like a bit of this and a bit of that.  Full time accounts - nah,  reading books all day, every day - nah (in my head that seems heavenly but I know in reality ... NAH), exploring nature non stop - nah. To me it is about finding a way to do a bit of everything I love, not one thing to the exclusion of all others.  Trying to be a stay at home wife and mum and nothing else taught me that.  I am not a nice person when I feel bored and obligated, but I did have a spotless house.

For me, life should be busy, but it doesn't have to be all the hustle and bustle that people talk about.  Why can't part of the busyness be finding time to lie in the sun and read a good book or whatever relaxing pastime takes your fancy without guilt or the need to justify.  I believe it should be a combination of everything - family, friends, work, hobbies, playtime and time to just enjoy the wonder that is the world around us.