tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-52186244218315413882024-02-07T14:24:59.618+11:00My writing life and other thingsMelissa Janehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08382365772510191166noreply@blogger.comBlogger19125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5218624421831541388.post-55168637881871852822012-05-10T13:49:00.001+10:002012-05-10T13:49:31.293+10:00The battle of the MumsLife is still hectic, partially of my own making and partially because sometimes things just have to be done that aren't part of a normal day, whatever constitutes normal, but <span style="font-size: x-large;">it's all good. </span><span style="font-size: small;">I am finally beginning to realise just how good. </span><br />
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As I have mentioned before I have lived my life <span style="font-size: x-large;">very anti-routine</span>. It has always been part of who I am and even though it may seem chaotic to others it has never felt that way to me. Everything that needs to be done is done it just isn't done to a timetable; Monday - bedding, Tuesday - floors, Wednesday - washing, I mean seriously I cannot comprehend living like that. <br />
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I have short, <strong>very short</strong>, periods where I give it a try and at the time I believe I have come across a wonderful system that I will be able to follow. A week later it feels as if not only am I catering to a high maintenance family I am now nagging myself - get this done, get that done, you forgot to do this. Needless to say the new system finds itself discarded. <span style="font-size: large;"><strong>Who wants any additional nagging in their life?</strong></span> Besides I can't maintain the discipline because other things come up.<br />
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I admit the other things may be a beautiful sunny day, a trip to the shops to go birthday shopping, or just a matter of going out to lunch with a friend or my kids. What am I supposed to say, "Oh no, sorry, I can't come out to lunch today it is bathroom and ironing day. How about on the weekend?" <span style="font-size: x-large;">Not likely.</span> <br />
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The biggest advantage of my life is the <span style="font-size: x-large;"><strong>freedom</strong></span> I have and I am not going to take it away from myself. What I need to try and understand is why I feel the need to imprison myself every now and then. I am guessing that I want to feel productive but I don't know why that is so ingrained in my head.<br />
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As soon as I relax and accept that I live <span style="font-size: x-large;">a blessed life</span> everything falls into place. My housework is kept up to date, I have time for the people I care about and <span style="font-size: x-large;">I am happy</span>. This should always be enough but unfortunately it isn't. For some reason I fall into the trap of needing to <span style="font-size: x-large;">justify my life</span> to others. Why I seem to feel that being happy and having a happy family isn't justification enough I am not sure. <br />
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I used to believe stay-at-home Mum's who claim to have no time for themselves, who are always flat out, and who argue that their life is busier than a working mother, but, <span style="font-size: x-large;">how can that be?</span> In many instances a working mother still has to wash, iron, cook and clean, as well as care for sick children, but she also has to work. I have been both and I will not deny that my life is much easier now. It is true that often I don't have much spare time but that is of my own making. I used to perpetrate the very same <span style="font-size: x-large;">no-spare-time-myth</span>, but I can no longer do that, nor do I want to. <br />
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I don't sit around all day watching day time television while drinking coffee and eating biscuits but that is only because those things <span style="font-size: large;">don't appeal</span> to me. I will sit outside in the sun reading a book drinking a coffee though. <br />
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What a wonderful world it would be if people looked at <span style="font-size: x-large;">individuals instead of stereotypes</span>. Nobody can ever truly understand anothers life unless they can live it, which of course is impossible, so how about we judge less, especially ourselves, and just <span style="font-size: x-large;">find the joy in our own unique situations</span>. Every housewife is not an under-educated sloth and every working mother is not a career driven workaholic with no time for her children.<br />
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I admire career women but I no longer have any desire to be one and slowly but surely I am discovering <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">that doesn't make me any less a person</span>.</span> If my situation was to change and we needed the additional income I would happily go back to work but until that day comes I will stick with looking after my family during the day and evening and sitting up until the early hours of the morning to pursue my passion for the written word. That is my <span style="font-size: x-large;"><strong>choice</strong></span>, wife and mum by day, writer by night.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">It should never be an issue of who is better</span>, a stay-at-home Mum or a working Mum, and, as to who has it tougher, who knows, and really, <span style="font-size: x-large;"><strong>who cares?</strong></span> The question should be - why does the competition for better or worse, harder or easier exist in the first place? Who started it and how do we stop it?<br />
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I can't even come close to answering those questions although I have some theories. I may be very, very wrong but I believe for whatever reason both parties feel the need to justify their existence based on a bizarre sense of guilt, but who am I to say. <span style="font-size: x-large;">I can't speak for other people</span>, I just know that when I worked I felt guilty because I wasn't available for my kids as much and now that I don't work I occassionally feel guilty because I am not contributing financially. Just a thought.<br />
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Enough thoughts. As I look out my window at a cloudless sky I realise that I should be <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">taking advantage of the life I have</span>,</span> so having done all my washing and cleaning for the day I am going to head outside with my book and coffee and enjoy the sunshine. I may or may not have it easier but I do know that right now I definitely feel <span style="font-size: x-large;"><strong>I have it better</strong></span>.<br />
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So from what I can understand it comes down to this, <br />
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<strong><span style="font-size: x-large;"><em>Live the life you have </em></span></strong></div>
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<strong><span style="font-size: x-large;"><em>and find as much enjoyment in it as you can.</em></span></strong> </div>Melissa Janehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08382365772510191166noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5218624421831541388.post-45935043412534180882012-05-08T02:21:00.000+10:002012-05-08T02:21:33.490+10:00It's 2am and all is quiet in the Salvador residence. <span style="font-size: x-large;">I love the peace.</span> Life has been pretty hectic over the last couple of weeks but then that seems more the norm. Maybe I should wait until I can write life is quiet and uneventful but then <span style="font-size: large;"><strong>what sort of a life would that be?</strong></span><br />
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I have celebrated another birthday which I feel neither happy or sad about. Before my birthday I had all these grand plans to reassess my life and where I was headed, a kind of reflection on the past year, but when the day came it was more a matter or "nah, <span style="font-size: x-large;">just keep moving on.</span>" This tells me I am changing. Maybe I am becoming wiser or maybe I am just getting lazier. <br />
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Right now I know I am becoming tireder so I guess this is going to be my shortest ever entry but <span style="font-size: x-large;">that's okay</span> too. My thought for today is a simple one - <br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><em><strong>Be happy with what you have!</strong></em></span></div>Melissa Janehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08382365772510191166noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5218624421831541388.post-5304383371009348432012-04-24T12:02:00.000+10:002012-04-24T12:02:21.801+10:00Is there such a thing as too many books?I am looking out on a blue sky, wishing I could be out enjoying the sunshine, but after a week of rain I have to give my priority to something else - washing. Unlike many people I love rainy days. They are a <span style="font-size: large;">guilt free opportunity to read</span>. So many household chores are placed on hold with no need for excuse, <span style="font-size: x-large;">I love it.</span> True, there is a downside. When it stops raining I have to deal with the overflowing dirty washing basket which all too soon becomes the overflowing ironing basket. Still, <span style="font-size: large;">I wouldn't give up those reading days.</span><br />
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My birthday is just a week away and to Adrian's dismay <span style="font-size: large;">all I want is books</span>. I know my online wishlist is growing by the day, something I have let slip more regularly than usual in the last couple of weeks, but he thinks that buying me more books is a bit boring and that more effort on his behalf is required. Me, I am a fan of the 'lazy' option. I am pleased that the day is sneaking up on him and soon I will be placing an order on Fishpond. <br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">Is it possible to have too many books?</span> That is a matter of opinion. In our house opinion is divided. As the owner of the second hand book shop I visited yesterday reminded me - there are worse addictions. I will share that gem with Adrian.<br />
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He doesn't seem to mind me collecting DVD's but I concede that is a more sociable habit. If only I could put the books down a bit more often so we could find time to watch them. To a non book-lover it is hard to explain the appeal but that could be said for most things. I don't understand people voluntarily leaving a plane if its engines are still running and a crash is not emminent but apparently that's fun. I have been told I should try it for the sheer rush. Walking towards a plane that could fit in my house is rush enough for me. <span style="font-size: x-large;">It's just not going to happen.</span> <span style="font-size: large;">Sadly, some people feel that way about books.</span><br />
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I try not to give them the <span style="font-size: large;">but-there's-so-many-different- types-of-books</span> lecture; I admit I fail repeatedly, <span style="font-size: x-large;">but I do try</span>. As I sit here and remember all the times people have tried to convince me that flying is awesome and it's safer than car travel and blah, blah, blah I understand the futility of my argument. Maybe I will remember that next time somebody tells me they hate reading. If I am honest with myself I know I will never stop; books are too important to me. <br />
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Besides, who doesn't love to see a supposed book-hating teenager reading voluntarily? No parent I know.<br />
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<strong><span style="font-size: x-large;"><em><span style="font-size: large;">Therein lies the perfect excuse for every adult to read.</span> </em></span></strong></div>
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<strong><span style="font-size: x-large;"><em>Kids learn through example.</em></span></strong> </div>Melissa Janehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08382365772510191166noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5218624421831541388.post-6118430057749662352012-04-19T12:25:00.000+10:002012-04-19T12:25:38.500+10:00Remembering what's importantI had a <span style="font-size: x-large;">reality check</span> this morning. Last night Ozzie, one of our four wonderful ginger companions came in with his eye partially swollen shut. Upon looking him over it became obvious he had been the victim of a nasty scrap. Considering his size I would hate to see the other cat.<br />
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His lower eyelid is torn and hard to look at. Somehow he permitted my bungling nursing efforts and I bathed his left eye in salt water, relieved to see he could open it further as a result. Alana's boyfriend was king hit on New Year's Eve earlier this year and as nasty as it looked all swollen, purple and green he healed quickly and well, so I held great <span style="font-size: large;"><strong>hope</strong></span> for Ozman.<br />
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This morning my hope turned to distress, his eye was completely swollen shut and even after bathing he didn't seem able to force it open. Using my best vetinary skills I managed to prise the lids apart but it wasn't pretty and neither is what I saw. He had gunk and pus and a swollen angry lump where is lower eyelid had once been. I felt sick. <span style="font-size: large;"><em><strong>I can't imagine how he was feeling.</strong></em></span><br />
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Lying in bed this morning I had planned my day and it was <span style="font-size: x-large;"><strong>all about me</strong></span>, well until it was time to take Lani to the gym at least, but now it was all about Oz. I grabbed the Yellow Pages, looked up my vet's number and dialled. <br />
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My voice was shaky, I knew it was, but I couldn't help it, I wanted his eye to be fine and I wanted it <span style="font-size: x-large;">to be better.</span> It wasn't opening time yet so I was automatically transferred to a very sympathetic nurse working in the emergency clinic who explained that I would need to ring back in ten minutes. Ten minutes is a long time especially having been informed that they might not be able to make a house call since they were already heavily booked for the morning. As stupid as it sounds, I have four cats and no cat carrier. <br />
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The vet agreed to make the house call and we arranged a time between 10.30 and 11. Kelsey the receptionist had made my day, whatever happened from here <span style="font-size: x-large;"><strong>could only be the best</strong></span> for Ozman. I gave him a pat, I should have left him sleeping, and I returned to doing the books for our business to pass the time. <br />
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Before I knew it a little green hatchback was pulling into my driveway and <span style="font-size: x-large;">help was at hand</span>. Having looked Ozzie over she concluded that yes he had been in a cat fight and yes he did have a cut near his eye but that was just the beginning. He also had a cut on his eyeball, an abcess on his eye, a fever and his lymph nodes were up. I'd only diagnosed two out of six but I didn't have the flourescent yellow dye that she squirted in his eye and he accepted with out so much as a squeak, nor did I want to think that was possible. <br />
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She dosed his eye with antibiotic drops, popped a tablet in his mouth as easily as if she was administering a tab to a teenager and all was going well. <br />
<div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Sometimes you just have to know when to stop</span> though. We discovered that was after the tablet and before the syringe full of pain relief. Syringes, tablets, stethoscopes and containers went flying, some of which I am sure are lost forever in the dust that resides under my too-low-for-the-vacuum couch, but she wasn't worried. She found the syringe and discovered that I wasn't in need of stitches so she was happy and we left Ozman alone.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">When she left I gave Oz some of the special cat milk I buy for the cats as a treat hoping he would show some interest. Who was I kidding? This was Ozman I was talking about. He doesn't lap or nibble at his food the way the others do, he inhales it and in what seemed like seconds the milk was gone. <span style="font-size: x-large;"><strong>Oz is going to be fine and so am I</strong></span>.</div><br />
We get to go through the entire process again in a weeks time so I hope cats don't have amazing powers of recall or things might not be easy as they have been today. In contrast I hope I do have strong recall abilities because today taught me something <span style="font-size: x-large;"><strong><em>invaluable</em></strong></span>. <br />
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Call it cliched, call it corny, I really don't care. What I realised is that I didn't care about whether I completed everything on my new to do lists or not, I just wanted Oz to be well and I am glad that I am a stay at home wife and Mum who was gifted the time to sit and wait the 3 hours for the vet.<br />
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Charged emotions are the norm when women feel forced to justify their position as either working or stay-at-home Mums and I don't believe that is right. <span style="font-size: x-large;"><strong>Women should feel comfortable with their decisions</strong></span>, decisions that should be based on what they consider is best for themselves and their families. For the first time in a long time, I just became comfortable with mine!<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><strong><em>Writing might well be navel gazing but would I understand myself without it? </em></strong></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><strong><em>I doubt it!</em></strong></span></div>Melissa Janehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08382365772510191166noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5218624421831541388.post-6198418097638358712012-04-18T13:57:00.001+10:002012-04-18T13:58:55.602+10:00The dangers lurking in writing sitesSomeone should have warned me not to click on the link to <span style="font-size: x-large;"><strong>writing.com</strong></span>. It was an innocent enough email reminding me that I haven't logged in for a long time and that my membership might be terminated. I am ashamed to say I have been a member since 2006. Being a member isn't the embarressing thing though, it was discovering that I have been a member for 6 years and never utilised this <span style="font-size: x-large;">wonderful site</span>.<br />
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Now I have the opposite problem. Having rediscovered it, I can't seem to make myself log off, or at least not for any length of time. I have spent hours over the past few days clicking on this and clicking on that and yet I have barely touched the surface. Most things register in the 'I must come back and look into that' section of my brain however the list is growing so extensive I doubt my poor brain will be able to keep up.<br />
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This is not a bad thing I have decided. I feel I have found somewhere comfortable for me to spend time with other writers. I know they have forums, I just have to work out how to access them. Since I am still in the explore the website phase I am in no real hurry. There is <strong>so much to see and do</strong>. It is hard to classify myself as a newbie when I have been a member for six years so I did consider cancelling my membership and rejoining but I thought better of it. This way I have a reminder about how often I have put writing on hold. 2006, wow that is a long time ago. I would have happily kidded myself that I joined a year or two ago.<br />
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<div style="text-align: left;">I can't go back and change anything so there is no point on dwelling on the situation. What I can do is <span style="font-size: large;"><strong>keep moving forward</strong></span>. It is so much easier to live in the land of regret because it doesn't ask anything of us but there is no reward unless excuses can be seen as some form of pay off. </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><strong><span style="font-size: x-large;"><em>Excuses belong in the bin, right beside regrets, never to be recycled.</em></span></strong> </div><br />
I hope I can remember that long enough to complete the projects I am working on. I can say they have been progressing steadily and I am happy with the structure that has emerged so that is something. <br />
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Never before did I think I would enter a writing competition so that is something as well. My entry wasn't my best work; it was mainly constructed between the hours of 2am and 4, but I am happy enough with the end result. My thought process was simple, write and enter it before I have a chance to change my mind and that is what I have done. <br />
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For the first time a piece of my writing has left the safety of my computer for outside consumption. What a strange and exciting feeling. I guess this blog is writing of a sort but this is free, straight from the brain to the page with no planning, nothing more in mind than to sit down and free write. That probably isn't the recipe for a successful blog but it gets my fingers moving across the keyboard and I find that comforting. It also serves the purpose of calling me to the computer which is where at least part of my writing work is done so that can't be a bad thing. <br />
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</div><div style="text-align: center;"><strong><em><span style="font-size: x-large;">My motivation levels continue to grow and I intend to feed them any way I can!</span></em></strong></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div>Melissa Janehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08382365772510191166noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5218624421831541388.post-14479081193769294062012-04-14T14:33:00.000+10:002012-04-14T14:33:14.144+10:00Back to writingThis blog is called 'My writing life and other things' yet looking at my posts it seems other things have taken over. That is definitely not the case. In fact it is the complete opposite. <span style="font-size: large;">Writing has taken over</span> every spare minute. I guess that is why I have been blogging about other things - they stand out!<br />
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Once I made the decision to <span style="color: #666666; font-size: x-large;">take writing seriously</span>, I was forced to work out what that meant. Writing was something to fit into my day when I got a chance, or something I did at the expense of something else, and that <span style="font-size: large;"><strong>had to change</strong></span>. Now my mornings are dedicated to the house work and what my <span style="font-size: large;">family needs</span> me to do, just before lunch is <span style="font-size: large;">boxing</span> time and the rest of the day I either <span style="font-size: x-large;">write</span> or research. <br />
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The writing and research part is supposed to end around 5pm but it seems to have a mind of its own and often exceeds the time allocated. So far that's okay. No doubt my family will let me know when it isn't.<br />
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My need to <span style="font-size: large;">feel in charge</span> of my life means that I tend to automatically reject anything that imposes limits on me, now it appears I am growing up. <br />
<div style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Routine can be positive!</span> </div><br />
With so much planned for each day I use every minute. Sitting in my car waiting for the kids is no longer wasted time - it is an opportunity to read, new glasses perched on my nose, highlighter in hand. My car is my mobile study so not a second is wasted. <br />
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Chores no longer have time to stretch out for a day, or two, or three, either, and I <span style="font-size: large;">enjoy the structure</span>. Wow, I never thought I would say that!<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">Structure has given my day purpose</span>. Purpose has given me determination and a happiness I had forgotten. I love my family and I would still put them first if forced to but as much as <strong>I can live for them I can't live through them</strong>. <br />
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</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><em><strong><span style="font-size: large;">Sometimes we have to take a stand and realise</span> </strong></em></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><em><strong>every life is valuable, even our own!</strong></em></span></div>Melissa Janehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08382365772510191166noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5218624421831541388.post-83166637340707967662012-04-11T15:42:00.001+10:002012-04-11T15:46:38.143+10:00Living in the lightThe Easter weekend is over and life is returning to some semblance of normal, well as normal as can be expected when the kids are on holidays. Most people look forward to long weekends but for us they bring mixed emotions. We live by the no work, no pay mantra. That said, we wouldn't have it any other way. Actually, that's a lie, being paid for having a break would be nice and we definitely wouldn't say no to the money. Would anyone?<br />
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Since money wasn't to be found hiding in the numerous chocolate eggs and rabbits that invaded our home we decided to get stuck in around the yard. <span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="color: #999999;"><strong>What a difference</strong></span><span style="color: #999999;">!</span></span> Our gardens can be daunting. I go outside all motivated, ready to tackle the weeding and pruning and then reality strikes, I look around, can't decide where to start and head back inside. With four days at our disposal Adrian and I got stuck in. Three days, numerous splinters and very sore hamstrings later we had taken over 700kg of green waste to the tip and now our yard appears triple the size. As an added bonus we have sunshine streaming into the house perfect, for the winter months ahead.<br />
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<span style="color: #eeeeee; font-size: x-large;"><span style="color: #999999;">Something else happened too</span>.</span> As I pruned back the out-of-control bushes it felt like I was gaining back control over my own life somehow. Something inside me is changing, I am not yet sure what it is yet, but I am liking it. My privacy used to be something I guarded with the intensity of a secret government agency. I refused to open my blinds in the morning until school rush was over to ensure that the mum's walking past couldn't look into my house. Not that I am ever doing anything exciting at that time I just couldn't cope with the thought that people could see into my house and in turn somehow see into me. I like being a bit of a hermit I guess and <span style="font-size: x-large;">as much as I resist it, I like the anonymity.</span><br />
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Well, that has changed. In front of my bedroom window, until two days ago I had four nearly 4m high bottlebrush trees providing a very personal screen. Now those very same trees are a collection of stumps rising at most about 75cm from the ground. I hope they come back because I like them, but I know that I never want them to block out the light again. <br />
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Since clearing out the gardens my house somehow feels bigger as well and it's not just because of the amount of light that floods through the full length windows. I feel lighter. The house doesn't feel so claustrophobic and I am able to joke about the lack of privacy rather than fear it. This is a huge turn around for me and <span style="color: #666666; font-size: x-large;">I am loving it.</span> <br />
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Even my teenage daughter who insisted that her room stay her 'dark little dungeon' was amazed by the amount of light entering her room. This is the same child that would refuse to open her blinds. Adrian and I could only exchange bemused glances when she declared her excitement and commented that now her room doesn't feel all dark and depressing. Someone has possessed our daughter. We expected a strong reaction but we didn't expect it to be happy. <span style="color: #666666; font-size: x-large;"><strong><span style="font-size: small;">It seems we have both changed.</span> </strong></span>It proves that sometimes you just have to take a chance and try something new.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><strong><em><span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-size: large;">Small changes</span> - huge benefits!</span></em></strong></span></div>Melissa Janehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08382365772510191166noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5218624421831541388.post-70904619410602354172012-04-07T10:46:00.002+10:002012-04-07T10:54:10.131+10:00Signing up for surveysWell, I decided to give online surveys a try. In the past I did a survey on how I use the library, one of my favourite places to spend time, and they <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #444444;">paid me $30</span> </span>for my efforts so I thought why not sign up for the online version.<br />
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You can imagine my <span style="font-size: x-large;">excitement</span><span style="font-size: large;"> </span>when two emails arrived on my phone this morning. Okay, excitement might be pushing it a bit, but I have to admit a smile crossed my face. It was definitely enough to force me out of bed, through the shower and on to the computer. I wasn't going to try and do surveys on my phone. It's all well and good in theory to receive emails and surf the net on the phone but seriously who has the <span style="font-size: x-large;">patience</span>. Read half a line, scroll over, scroll back, repeat. As much as it's not for me I still find myself doing it surprisingly often even when my laptop is close at hand. <span style="font-size: large;"><b>What does that say about me?</b></span><br />
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Anyhow, having left the comfort of my bed and my three snuggled cats I made it to the computer, opened my email account and clicked on the survey they emailed me at 7.21 this morning, only to find that I had already completed it. Not to be disheartened I clicked on the second email, received not much later. For that survey I need one of my children present. What teenager is awake at 7.34 on a Saturday morning? Needless to say, I have not completed a survey this morning, but I am up so I will <span style="font-size: x-large;">focus on that.</span><br />
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Is this going to be a colossal waste of time - possibly - but it might be a bit of fun also. So far I have $4.86 in one account, strange amount I know but it is US$5, and some points accrued in others. Not much for the time I have spent. This morning's 20 minute survey pays $2.97 so why bother? <span style="font-size: large;"><b>Curiosity I guess</b></span>.<br />
<br />
<span style="color: #20124d; font-size: x-large;"><i><b>If you have ever participated in online surveys I would love to hear about your experiences. Please share.</b></i></span><br />
<br />
Besides, I can't call it a complete ride off ; I have <span style="font-size: x-large;">discovered some amazing things</span> about myself since filling in form after form on everything from my choice in health products to the amount of technology to be found in my home. For someone who claims not to be a fan of technology I am surrounded by it and not just one of each. I can't believe how much stuff I own and yet when I visit the shops it is amazing how much I still seem to need.<br />
<br />
Later today I will be walking the brightly coloured Easter egg aisles with all the other last minute shoppers. I wonder if I will remember that I really don't want for anything. I hope so, but then again if the jeans I want are on sale, maybe not. Hey, at least I am honest but it is something I know I need to give a bit more thought. <br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><i><b>Just because I can doesn't mean I should!</b></i></span><br />
<div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><b><i><br />
</i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><i><b><br />
</b></i></span></div></div>Melissa Janehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08382365772510191166noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5218624421831541388.post-77916982001895450062012-04-05T14:47:00.003+10:002012-04-06T11:27:42.371+10:00Life after homeschooling<b><span style="font-size: large;">My homeschooling journey is over</span>.</b> What was supposed to be the beginning of freedom, my time for me, has been anything but. Instead it has been busier than usual. Before life consisted of a morning coffee, followed by lessons and so on. Now it revolves around, "Mum I start work at 5," "Mum I don't start until 6," "Mum I finish at midnight," "Mum I need this for TAFE," and so it goes. I spend less time in the comfort of my lounge room and more time in the driver's seat or the car park shared by Red Rooster and Hungry Jacks. As much as I might complain sometimes, I don't mind so much. They have jobs - I am relieved and so is our bank account.<br />
<div><br />
</div><div>Now that both the kids are involved in outside studies I have to admit <span style="color: #444444; font-size: large;"><b>I feel lost</b></span>. I have decided time for yourself is a much overrated thing. It's not that I want someone to fill up my days, I am quite capable of doing that myself, it is the fear that I finally have to take charge of my own life that is paralyzing. I have spent time agonizing over uni and TAFE courses playing the time-to-pick-a-new-career game but the exercise leaves me feeling flat. I have <span style="font-size: large;"><b>made the bold decision to stick to my dream</b> </span>of writing and see how I go. My husband is supportive but I am sure somewhere underneath his bravado is the wish that I would be happy with a nine-to-five job. I have been there, and done that, and I loved it at the time, but now it feels so far in the past that I have no desire to bring it into the present and it's definitely not how I want to picture the future. Does that make me selfish?</div><div><br />
</div><div>Maybe, but what I have found is that by making the decision to write I am now more content to look for jobs. It is amazing what a <span style="font-size: large;"><b>change in perspective</b></span> can do. Instead of looking for a career job I am happy to look for part time work to subsidize our household income whilst allowing me time to pursue what feels right for me. Are there <b>doubts?</b> Heaps, but don't we have to decide at some stage in our lives that <b><span style="font-size: large;">life is for living not enduring</span>?</b> I have so many friends that seem to live for Friday and that saddens me. If so much time is spent at work shouldn't it be doing something we love or at least something we can get a bit enthusiastic about?</div><div><br />
</div><div>Maybe there is something wrong with me. Maybe I have things a little confused. Maybe my husband has screwed with my head, but I really don't want to change my thinking. Adrian loves his job. He enjoys his weekends but he never grizzles about Mondays or extra work and I know when I ran my massage business I felt the same way so I can't help but think that is what having a job is all about. I know there are cases where people feel forced to accept any job they can get and I feel a strange admiration for people that persist with jobs they hate because they feel obligated to do so, but I have a much greater <b><span style="font-size: large;">admiration for people</span> <span style="font-size: large;">that take the chance to follow their dreams</span></b> and apply themselves to what feels right for them. I want to be one of those people, I just hope I don't chicken out and follow the more acceptable path.</div><div><br />
</div><div>I encourage every body with a dream to follow it, especially my kids, now it is time to listen to my own advice,<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><i><b>stare down the fear and get on with life.</b></i></span> </div></div><div><br />
</div><div><br />
</div>Melissa Janehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08382365772510191166noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5218624421831541388.post-54978863786249518932011-07-11T09:44:00.000+10:002011-07-11T09:44:15.230+10:00HonestyI haven't been here for a little while. My heads been in a bit of a funk. I have been tempted to visit when I have felt down but I've avoided the temptation to blurt it all out on here. This is my happy place or it is supposed to be but <span style="font-size: large;"><strong>does that make it honest?</strong></span> Is everyone happy all the time? I know the answer to that but if that is the case why do we pretend so much? Wouldn't life be better for everyone if we didn't?<br />
<br />
I don't mean we should all walk around being miserable - not by a long shot. I do truly believe there is so much in the world to be positive about, but sometimes when things become too much I feel so alone and even though logic tells me otherwise all I see is a <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">world of</span> happy, bubbly people</span> and I wonder <span style="font-size: x-large;"><strong>what is wrong with me</strong></span>. I'm discovering through my writing that I am actually pretty normal, or that is the conclusion I am coming to, whatever normal might be. Maybe I just think I am normal, because it is my definition.<br />
<br />
I can't see how it could be normal to be up, bubbly and enthusiastic every second of every day. Maybe in a fantasy world but even then I don't think so. Wouldn't we just stagnate? Isn't a little bit of questioning and discontent necessary to bring about change or at least appreciation for everything life has handed us? I am <span style="font-size: large;"><strong>asking lots of questions</strong></span> today but that is how my mind works. The answers come slowly, although sometimes not at all, but I think the secret to our happiness is in the questions that we ask and the answers that we seek. How else can we hope to understand ourselves? I have been asking many, many, many questions, maybe even too many over the last week or so but I am happy to say I have also discovered some answers.<br />
<br />
I used to ask why and expect something outside of myself to answer. Often I didn't even want an answer it was more a complaint, a<span style="font-size: x-large;"> <strong><em>why me</em></strong></span>, without any effort in discovering the answer on my part required. That didn't get me far. Neither has a lot of my practises but I am really trying to change that so I can change funk to spunk and I can move ahead either in a new direction or follow the same path with new purpose and resolve.<br />
<br />
There are many different paths to choose,<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzkyWv8iCLmS8q4l7D5N6CjvuR1RVZGluG0HRHlywIT4thOKUS_YzALoanor11tGbCqsdWpjiMizEUC6QNuOl02RFqxzjsExeyZTN7tQctwUi8CGXMIhy2XEDR7oirvhXGX6q6vZmdnYg/s1600/250.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzkyWv8iCLmS8q4l7D5N6CjvuR1RVZGluG0HRHlywIT4thOKUS_YzALoanor11tGbCqsdWpjiMizEUC6QNuOl02RFqxzjsExeyZTN7tQctwUi8CGXMIhy2XEDR7oirvhXGX6q6vZmdnYg/s400/250.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This one was at Rainbow Beach in QLD</td></tr>
</tbody></table><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgykVBbl3TFI8AQWWG8XRnGeGe5PRBdAeVIRWSl3bGtIkJAZrkW8QOmpPRlvNmDBcF9_vApnvfQ9DAXIVjFQNAC67x-fFgykMw6tEibBdeBxwCtiZlQinhy6UC9K1ZGIxTor0siy4kj_I/s1600/368.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgykVBbl3TFI8AQWWG8XRnGeGe5PRBdAeVIRWSl3bGtIkJAZrkW8QOmpPRlvNmDBcF9_vApnvfQ9DAXIVjFQNAC67x-fFgykMw6tEibBdeBxwCtiZlQinhy6UC9K1ZGIxTor0siy4kj_I/s400/368.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This one on Fraser Island</td></tr>
</tbody></table><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmb0fR4nPqgnkGWtWDafjHD8qLzF3mGlaI3_eGdC_op_Ei9DEPn3LnNzu2vBfqMWDHuvmSlbesaMWq40l5kwehGXCR3j7TlHj9wL5RL0hL33cjHUKKRs9IBUN8iHgCKERPTKY2e648XHQ/s1600/076.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmb0fR4nPqgnkGWtWDafjHD8qLzF3mGlaI3_eGdC_op_Ei9DEPn3LnNzu2vBfqMWDHuvmSlbesaMWq40l5kwehGXCR3j7TlHj9wL5RL0hL33cjHUKKRs9IBUN8iHgCKERPTKY2e648XHQ/s400/076.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This one at a beach on the Sunshine Coast</td></tr>
</tbody></table> <br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikxoBXTzZwwFfanLG-trk92Mbr4upSr6JFIrU9xpJzwtLhg7v0P7wtEBf-kOKyKymIl05pujY5qStvocj-y2lcY9C4ftGzoFvGDCAnRhhT4c_Jp7BksvYgGNIYF76bMe_hLFnKdsuKdZM/s1600/263.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikxoBXTzZwwFfanLG-trk92Mbr4upSr6JFIrU9xpJzwtLhg7v0P7wtEBf-kOKyKymIl05pujY5qStvocj-y2lcY9C4ftGzoFvGDCAnRhhT4c_Jp7BksvYgGNIYF76bMe_hLFnKdsuKdZM/s400/263.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br />
</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
But ultimately it will be my decision which direction I choose to head and mine alone and that is something I am going to embrace. Fear may be natural and to a certain extent necessary but it should never be crippling. <br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><strong>Life is for living, not just existing!</strong></span></div>Melissa Janehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08382365772510191166noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5218624421831541388.post-38981752569863124352011-07-04T10:47:00.000+10:002011-07-04T10:47:42.729+10:00Lifestyle thoughts<strong><span style="font-size: large;">"You've got nothing to lose</span>.</strong>" What exactly does that mean? I find that anytime people tell me or anyone else that, the truth is the complete opposite. Where is this coming from? I don't normally rant on here. I have a job interview on Thursday and I am nervous. Strangely, when I didn't think I would even get to interview stage, I wasn't too fussed. That feeling changed drastically when I received the phone call telling me I had won an interview. Yes, won, that is how I felt. <br />
<br />
It would seem that I don't have time to fit a job into my schedule and possibly I don't but I have always been amazed at what can be achieved when a sufficient <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">dose of</span> <strong>desire</strong></span> is added to the mix. Yes, I will continue to home school my children, and yes I will continue to write every day, and yes I will even attempt to find time to sleep in there somewhere. The job is only part time so I should be fine. If not, I will <strong><span style="font-size: large;">find a way to make it so</span>.</strong><br />
<br />
Back to my original question, what is "You've got nothing to lose," supposed to mean? How is it supposed to offer comfort? Of course, I have something to lose, otherwise I wouldn't be concerned about the outcome. I have the <span style="font-size: large;"><strong>dream of the ideal lifestyle</strong></span> for my family to lose and I have a little bit of me to lose too. <br />
<br />
I don't tend to spend much time on things that don't mean something to me. If I did, I would have lost one of the most precious commodoties of modern day living - <span style="font-size: large;"><strong>time</strong></span>. I know some people claim they have too much time on their hands but not many. I like to be busy. I like to have just that little bit more to do than I have time to achieve, maybe I am a touch insane, but I like to feel I have something to get on with. Don't think that means that I live a frantic life, quite the opposite. <br />
<br />
Some of the things on my <span style="font-size: large;"><strong>to do list</strong></span> are: <br />
<ul><li>plan next terms home schooling, especially the science which I have barely looked at,</li>
<li>write up the end of term reports that I like to put together for both the kids and my benefit</li>
<li>read the countless books scattered around my house and on my <em>'books I want to read'</em> list, </li>
<li>take a photographic journey of my local beaches, </li>
<li>write a collection of personal essays, </li>
<li>attend a drawing class, </li>
<li>draw, </li>
<li>explore the National Parks and kayak the many waterways that make up the area I live in</li>
<li>and, catch up with friends that I haven't seen for way too long.</li>
</ul><br />
This list is far from exhausted; in fact it is only the beginning. I have left off the things I have to do, food shopping, washing, vacuuming blah, blah, blah. <span style="font-size: large;"><strong>Domestic goddess I am not!</strong></span> I am more a <span style="font-size: large;"><strong>do what has to be done goddess</strong></span>. I have friends that love housework, or if they don't love it, they still dedicate what seems like most of their waking hours to it, that is not me, nor will it ever be. <br />
<br />
I forgot to mention doing the books for the business, it's end of financial year time. That could go on either list since I really don't mind doing them. I could even go so far as to say I quite enjoy the process. That's just me. I like a bit of this and a bit of that. Full time accounts - nah, reading books all day, every day - nah (in my head that seems heavenly but I know in reality ... NAH), exploring nature non stop - nah. To me it is about finding a way to do a bit of <span style="font-size: large;"><strong>everything I love</strong></span>, not one thing to the exclusion of all others. Trying to be a stay at home wife and mum and nothing else taught me that. I am not a nice person when I feel bored and obligated, but I did have a spotless house.<br />
<br />
For me, <span style="font-size: large;"><strong>life should be busy</strong></span>, but it doesn't have to be all the hustle and bustle that people talk about. Why can't part of the busyness be finding time to lie in the sun and read a good book or whatever relaxing pastime takes your fancy without guilt or the need to justify. I believe it should be a <span style="font-size: large;"><strong>combination of everything</strong></span> - family, friends, work, hobbies, playtime and time to just enjoy the wonder that is the world around us. Melissa Janehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08382365772510191166noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5218624421831541388.post-68773456530380072872011-06-29T13:58:00.000+10:002011-06-29T13:58:32.972+10:00It's all about balanceIt's <span style="color: #999999; font-size: large;"><strong>grey and cold</strong></span> here today. The sun has decided to go back into hiding. Many people hate this weather but I don't mind it at all. For me it is great <span style="color: black; font-size: large;"><strong>reading and writing weather</strong></span>. On a clear, sunny day there is a level of guilt associated with spending time hidden away in my bedroom writing when I should be out enjoying the day. Days like today, no-one would question my choice of activity. I do compromise as much as I can and take my book outside however, I am not one of those people who can write outside. I can write in my journal but I can not do any form of serious writing. Maybe this is just because it's what I tell myself but regardless of the reason ...<br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><strong>it is what it is.</strong></span> <br />
<br />
Also, should I be writing when I am out and about or is it more beneficial for me to be observing my surroundings. I spend a lot of time locked away on my own and whilst, (yes whilst) I enjoy that, I am aware that I need to find some balance. Last night, I asked my <span style="font-size: large;"><strong>husband</strong></span> if he minds coming home to find me in the bedroom, not waiting anxiously for his arrival in my sexiest lingerie, but writing away, our bed hidden under books and paper, his bedside table littered with coffee cups. <span style="font-size: large;"><strong>He is a smart boy</strong></span>; he answered no. Next I asked if he minded that every evening, having dealt with dinner, I vanish again into the bedroom leaving him to his own devices until bedtime. Again he answered no. That's a relief. <br />
<br />
I have what could be easily described as an <span style="font-size: large;"><strong>addictive personality</strong></span>. It could also be described as a selfish personality. I have suppressed my urge to write a book for more years than I care to admit to and now that I have begun in earnest I really don't want anything to stand in my way. <span style="font-size: large;"><strong>To me, this feels unfair to my family</strong></span>, since I have always put them first and I wanted to ensure that there was no resentment building up just below the surface of my<span style="font-size: large;"> <strong>domestic bliss</strong></span>. At this stage it is no. <br />
<br />
This entire conversation with my husband was had at 11pm while we were lying in bed which was probably a tad unfair. His alarm goes off at 4.45am and he probably just wanted to go to sleep. It's true, maybe other things crossed his mind, but I doubt any of those things were - I hope we get to lie here and just talk all night.<br />
<br />
Anyhow, this is where the whole <span style="color: black; font-size: x-large;"><strong>balance</strong></span> thing comes up again. I am still trying to find a happy balance between all the things I love, but I feel I am getting there slowly, if for no other reason than I am aware of the need to do so. To combat my <span style="font-size: large;"><strong>me time</strong></span> I am going to make a concerted effort to spend time with my hubby and to ensure that when I do, my focus is not back in the bedroom. Actually, I am sure he wouldn't mind if that is where my focus drifted as long as my thoughts had nothing to do with my book. He would probably put up with that though. We have had 25 years to get used to each others foibles. If I changed too much now he might start to worry.<br />
<br />
I know I will start to worry if I keep writing here and not in the bedroom though so that is it for today. <span style="font-size: x-large;"><strong>Balance, balance, balance!</strong></span> That is my new mantra.Melissa Janehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08382365772510191166noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5218624421831541388.post-42095857423524542952011-06-26T11:37:00.001+10:002011-06-26T11:41:05.230+10:00No more taking things for grantedI was going to put up some photos of my animals but that is not going to happen today. Today is a relatively short post prompted by a comment I received on my photos about how beautiful where I live is. I do know I am lucky to have such beautiful areas around me but I often take these things for granted. It is a terrible admission but one I am honest enough to make. <span style="font-size: large;">Why do we take our blessings for granted? </span><span style="font-size: small;">Or even worse, forget or not notice that they are there at all?</span><br />
<br />
I have lived in my house for the past 19 years. This is the longest I have ever lived anywhere and for whatever reason I get restless. I don't really know why since I can't imagine actually living anywhere else. We have built our home here both literally and figuratively. Our house itself is small, not nearly big enough for the amount of people that share our roof on a regular basis, but somehow it works. How could I have ever doubted my place here? <br />
<br />
It is funny, okay sad, how blind I have become to what is around me. On the way home from our Queensland holiday I was flicking through a tourist book that covered from Sydney to Cairns when I came across a beautiful picture. It was so beautiful that I proceeded to show it to my husband who happened to be driving down the expressway at the time. (I never claimed to be overly intelligent) Why am I telling you this? Because, it turned out that the photo that had so strongly caught my attention was taken only a 15 minute drive from where I live. <br />
<br />
What's my point? I think it is time to truly be a tourist in my own area and my own city. When we go on holidays we expect to see beautiful things and to have great new experiences, why not everytime we step out our front door? From now on when I go out I am going to try and remember to use my tourist eyes. No doubt there will be an overwhelming amount of new photos appearing on here soon.<br />
<br />
Anyhow, I have to go and get ready for my nephew's birthday celebration this afternoon. I wonder what great things I will notice on the way?Melissa Janehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08382365772510191166noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5218624421831541388.post-40508179536274300522011-06-25T14:26:00.004+10:002011-06-25T16:36:18.979+10:00The beauty of life<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRKT3cHvBDsoNasOx6i8lZdrEN8BpfSv_VDKmrPlempFCLNSg6l8VWxWjSZwUfkjziHZdOBSpfhCPM59h0c_lL-3QqfTRFZW5sT5Dzm3ILjXSes-xqcWJQvIT2Gm3tdaXs_S43V42VIEs/s1600/025.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRKT3cHvBDsoNasOx6i8lZdrEN8BpfSv_VDKmrPlempFCLNSg6l8VWxWjSZwUfkjziHZdOBSpfhCPM59h0c_lL-3QqfTRFZW5sT5Dzm3ILjXSes-xqcWJQvIT2Gm3tdaXs_S43V42VIEs/s400/025.JPG" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><br />
I drove 13 hours for a beachside holiday. It rained the entire time and the beaches were closed. At home the beaches were open and the sun was shining. I am not saying I didn't have a great holiday, I did and so did the rest of the family but...<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> this is only 15 minutes from my home.</span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: right;"><span style="font-size: large;"> As is this. Actually, this is only 5 minutes away. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
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What is my point? My point is simple really - how often do we go in search of things that are right under our noses, not just beautiful scenery but happiness, purpose and meaning? Maybe, just maybe, these things too are always right there in front of us if only we choose to notice.<br />
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These were taken one from the backyard, the other from the front. Proof to me that the world really is beautiful. On the days when that can be hard to believe a little attitude, okay sometimes a big attitude change can make a huge difference. Our perception of life is our choice. At any moment we can choose what we wish to focus on. Why not focus on the good?<br />
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I'm focusing on how excited I am that I have discovered how to put photos up. Next lot will be all my animals. If you are not a cat lover you may wish to abandon this site immediately because you will be inundated - I have four cats. <br />
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But for now it is time for me to go and do some actual work.Melissa Janehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08382365772510191166noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5218624421831541388.post-43741766143618774882011-06-23T12:08:00.001+10:002011-06-25T14:48:08.081+10:00Another day<span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;">The writing blog</span><br />
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Well, I have discovered something important over the last two days. Dinner doesn't get cooked if I am in my room writing. I am sure my family is glad I have made this realisation. It's not that I plan on this happening, it just seems to. I go into my room around 4pm to work and next thing you know it's 7 and my kids are wondering what's for dinner. Nothing always pops into my head, but I haven't disregarded my responsibilities to that stage yet. Now I see why I should write in the morning. Although, I really can't see that happening. I have faith that I will find the balance I am seeking. If not I have faith that my family will nag me until I do. <br />
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Speaking of family, Lani is struggling with the flu. It is horrible to see your kids sick. The logic is definitely floored in some way but I would much rather it be me than her. I hope she feels better really soon and that it doesn't go right through the household again. Anyhow I have a lot of home schooling work to do, for some reason curriculums just don't design themselves, so I am going to go and prove to myself that I can be a responsible, functioning adult and do what I am supposed to be doing.<br />
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If anyone has any tips on how to squeeze some more hours out of the day I would love to hear them. Please share. I did find one way - I didn't come on here for a couple of days. That helped but I missed it so I am back. I wish I could find a way to miss housework and cooking.Melissa Janehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08382365772510191166noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5218624421831541388.post-13029027006050002942011-06-20T18:10:00.002+10:002011-06-25T14:49:45.394+10:00The blog you have when you are not having a blog<strong><span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;">The no time blog</span></strong><br />
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I am about to run out the door to go and pick up my daughter from dancing, so being on here is the last thing I should be doing, but, oh well. My addictive nature is taking over. Adrian and the kids laugh at my blogging. Any time I am on the computer now they assume I am blogging away. They seem to forget that I spent hours on the computer before I discovered Blogger. I must admit that now instead of doing the planning for next terms Science, Geography and History I am reading blogs but I am sure I will find the balance soon. Isn't balance what life is all about? I'd like to think I will get it right but just as I find a semblance of balance I introduce something new and it all falls apart, the balance bit that is. <br />
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Oh well, I am also a firm believer that life is all about experiences so the adding new things dilemma is really just living. That's my excuse and I am sticking to it. <br />
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There is no writing blog today, except to say I continue to write each day. My routine is a little out of whack because I have my son home bored; he did actually break his arm at the elbow on Saturday night. He is in plaster from his shoulder to his wrist and because it is his right arm his choices of entertainment have suddenly become very limited. Even reading is hard for him!<br />
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I am not used to having bored children around because I am proud to say I have managed to raise two kids who are very good at amusing themselves. I have so far escaped, except on very rare occasions, the "I'm bored" cry, so I think I must have done something right in their upbringing. Either that or they know that should they complain about boredom I will always find them some housework to do.<br />
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Anyhow, having just given myself a wrap for being a good parent I had better not be late to pick up my daughter from ballet so that is it for today.Melissa Janehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08382365772510191166noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5218624421831541388.post-69634337683417078372011-06-19T00:08:00.002+10:002011-06-19T00:11:19.223+10:00A bit of this and a bit of that<span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;">The writing bit</span><br />
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I had a really strange experience today. Well it wasn't strange so much as I found it a tad scary. I realised just how easy it is to program ourselves without consciousness. About now, I should explain. I have mentioned that I tend to write in my bedroom because I consider it to be my sanctuary and I thought that was all there was too it. Now, I am beginning to wonder. I am aware that I still go to my bedroom to write on the rare occasions when I am the only one home. This tendency doesn't really make a lot of sense since the lounge room or the office would be much more comfortable, but I don't really think too much of it. Habit - that's all.<br />
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What I discovered this morning changed my thinking. I was the only one home so I thought why not stay in the lounge room to write. There was no need to expect interuptions so all was well. I grabbed my book, my pen, my cuppa and expected everything to just flow. How wrong I was. Firstly, the kids came home, friends in tow. That ended up okay because they headed straight out on to the deck leaving me well enough alone. All should have been fine. Pen in hand, book open, yesterday's writing looking at me, yep, pen in hand, book open, yesterday's writing looking at me, and, and ... nothing. Nothing came. What's going on? Write! Just put words on paper and go from there. Slowly I managed to squeeze out some words but after half a page of agonizing effort I scribbled out the lot.<br />
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When I write in first draft mode I do scratch out the wrong word or two, maybe even a sentence when it doesn't sound right or if I feel it is taking me in the wrong direction but rarely will I erase entire sections. That comes later, in edit mode. Not today, it just wasn't happening. Then a little voice whispered in my head, "Go to the bedroom." I listened. What did I have to lose? <br />
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I'll tell you what I lost. I lost my frustrations. Seven rapidly written pages later I felt fine, only stopping because Adrian got home from work. I was even willing him to unpack his ute slowly so I could keep writing. Why the change?<br />
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I can't be sure, but at this stage, until something happens to change my thinking, I believe it is because I have told myself that I write in the bedroom. There is no other real explanation. It isn't that it was any quieter in my room. I was still very much aware that I had a house full of teenages boys so nothing apart from my location had changed. My coffee had gone cold too, but that was it. <br />
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When I was telling Adrian what had happened, hot fresh coffee in hand, I began to wonder what else I had programmed myself to believe. I am curious to see what I discover. Hopefully one of the things will be that my body really doesn't want me to replace cigarettes with food. Tomorrow will mark the end of our seventh smoke free week. YEAH for us. Adrian and I are doing the "We are non-smokers" thing together. I guess that has been another example of subtle programming since I have managed to go from a pack-a-day-plus smoker to nothing just by telling myself I am a non smoker. I decided not to think that I was quitting, just that I didn't smoke and it's working - no patches, no nothing.<br />
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Until I actually wrote that I had never really thought about that either. How oblivious am I to my own thinking???? Wow! I have always believed in the power of the subconscious mind but probably more academically than anything else. I can see how it works but I haven't focused for long periods on utilising its potential, well not consciously anyhow, says the non-smoking, bedroom writer. That is going to change. I wonder if trying to make it happen works the same. I guess there is only one way to find out. So here goes. I drink lots of water rather than eating junky food and I feel great. It is the natural thing to do and I listen to my body. <br />
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The feeling great bit shouldn't be hard at all. My body is continuously showing me how much it hates my post smoking diet, so are the scales, but until now I have felt powerless to do anything about it. That is all about to change. I am healthy and I can write in any room in my house if I so desire! <br />
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<span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;">The blogging bit</span><br />
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I have just been wondering if it is easy to upload photos. Hopefully, I will find out in the next day or two. <br />
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That's it for now. It's getting late and I really need to ring my poor husband. He is down at the hospital, sitting in casualty with my son waiting for an x-ray. Dan came off his longboard tonight and even though he assures us he is fine, he can't bend or straighten his arm. They are both having a great time. Three hours and they haven't been looked at yet. It is Saturday night though so none of us are surprised. I know I will have 2 not so happy men in my house at some stage tonight especially if it turns out he is fine. You'd think that will make them happy but somehow I don't think so. I know it will make me happy, but then I am here blogging away. Since Adrian left I having been reading my book in front of the heater while finishing the Black Russian (Vodka, Kahlua and Coke) I had made for Adrian. Oh well, I am looking after his liver health. As weird as it sounds, I actually feel strange being at home and I kind of wish I was down there. I am not used to not being the one down at the hospital. If I was down there I would probably feel different, but maybe not. I think it is a Mum thing, but that may be a gross generalisation.<br />
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Anyhow, time to go drink some water and ring Adrian.Melissa Janehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08382365772510191166noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5218624421831541388.post-40554051348405000322011-06-17T10:46:00.000+10:002011-06-17T10:46:54.633+10:00Blog overload<strong><span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;">My blogging life</span></strong><br />
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Wow, talk about blog overload. I spent yesterday afternoon reading various blogs and now I am scared. In my mistaken naivety I thought that I would just come on here, blog away, and by some mysterious power I would find people and they would find me. Now that I have read all about what I am supposed to do I am feeling totally overwhelmed. <br />
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I will happily make my page pretty at some stage. I like doing that sort of stuff and it is a great distraction from whatever I am supposed to be doing on the computer, like planning next term for my kids schooling, or writing up what they have been doing, but I didn't realise the importance of doing so. I am in the "so no idea" category that I didn't realise people ran blogs as, or for, businesses. Don't get me wrong, I did know that people have blogs on their business websites but I never really connected things. Oh well, I am sure I will get there. I am still having trouble finding my own blog on here though, let alone anyone elses. In time I am sure I will work it out. Until then I have decided to just have some fun. I admit I was incredibly excited to receive my first comment - a welcome. Yes I am such a dag but hey I promised to be honest.<br />
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Anyhow, dorkiness revealed let's move on. I can see the addictiveness of blogging, I returned to my computer several times in the early evening yesterday, when I should have been in the kitchen cooking dinner, because I thought of things I wanted to ask. Also an idea would hit me and I wanted to try it out. Yes I am a tad impulsive. In the end I was left with a question, <span style="background-color: yellow; color: black;"><strong>why do people start blogs?</strong></span> I am really curious to find out. I hope eventually people let me know.<br />
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The way I see it, they are time consuming, a lot of effort and potentially totally addictive. For people like me dangerous to say the least. I already have limited sleep time. At some stage I really must say stop, enough is enough, but obviously that isn't today.<br />
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<span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;"><strong>My writing life</strong></span><br />
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When I started this, all of yesterday, I decided it was going to be predominantly about my writing experience, so here goes. I have learnt a valuable lesson, unfortunately it took a while. Do not write at night in the bedroom. Just about every writing book I have read tells me that I shouldn't write at night because for whatever reason the writing is not as good. I may well discover that is true but I haven't had much chance to explore the idea as yet. I am not what you would call a morning person unless you are referring to the hours between say 1am and 5am, then I really am a morning person. My body, or is it my mind, has made the strange decision that I don't need sleep, well not until about 4.30am, which really doesn't work in my household. My husband's alarm has often gone off by then and I really should be up by 7am at least to get my day started. <br />
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Here is what really happens. I go to bed, my mind wanders, I am fascinated by the journeys it takes me on and I follow it, I watch my husband sleep, and I love my life. Around 5ish I am getting tired but I am still partially ready to get up. By 7 I just want to sleep the day away. With this wet weather we have been having it is even more tempting. Here is my dilemma - I home school my 2 children and I believe part of that is setting some sort of example. Teenagers don't need any encouragement to sleep all day. So, I drag my sorry butt out of bed and begin my day. By this time it is probably more around 8.30am. <br />
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Now writing teachers, as I mentioned, tell me I am supposed to write now. Well, here's the facts. The only functioning I seem to be able to do is to wake my daughter up, switch the kettle on, make a cuppa and say good morning to my son. He is on a good phase of getting up on his own at the moment. Even the cuppa has been known to stretch my capacities on occasions. How you might ask. Well let's just say I have tried to make a coffee without the coffee and sugar? I hope there is someone out there who has done the same.<br />
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Anyhow, to sit down and write now seems near on impossible most of the time. The muscles in my hands haven't even began communicating with my brain and for some reason I like to write longhand now. I do get excited when I look up at the clock and see it is before midday and I am writing though. It's a real case of yeah I did it but I don't think it is what the teachers meant some how. Maybe I will discover that all my writing is <a href="mailto:*#@$">*#@$</a> as a result, and that would bother me, really it would but the thing is I still love to write. Writing fills so many roles in my life. It cousels me more often than not. It helps me to understand myself and often it gives me a good stern talking to when I need it. By looking into things I gain clarity. The only clarity I find in the morning is that my body needs sleep!!!<br />
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Am I awake every night - well no. Some nights exhaustion takes over and I sleep. It's probably about a 50/50, 60/40 split. Anyhow, that is me and I am used to it and I love the solitude of being awake when the house is asleep. There is no demands at night, no phone ringing, no kids wanting anything, just me. I think that is probably why I don't sleep, I like the me time. In a busy house, filled with several teenage children that aren't my own more often than not, there is not a lot of quiet. I am not complaining though. I love teenagers. They keep my young. They also age me but like most things in life you have to take the good with the bad - don't you?<br />
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Anyhow, I started this with giving myself some advice that I know I will not take, but that is besides the point. I did hear, I just didn't listen. I tried to tell myself not to write at night in the bedroom. The reason I think this is sound advice is because my book, the one I am writing, and the other two that compete for space in my head, take up a huge chunk of my thinking time. To encourage them to the surface while I am in my bedroom, sitting on my bed leading up to sleep time is inviting sleeplessness but I doubt I will change. I do resist the urge to turn the light back on and just write a little bit more, well most of the time anyway, so that is an improvement. I am so lucky my husband is a heavy sleeper.<br />
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It is getting on to a time when I feel I can go and look at what I was writing last night and continue the thread. I hope so anyway. Maybe there is a right and wrong way to do things and I understand self discipline is a good thing but what about individuality. Surely that has to rate somewhere!Melissa Janehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08382365772510191166noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5218624421831541388.post-54358073379564459532011-06-16T15:40:00.002+10:002011-06-16T19:42:30.342+10:00Off and runningWell, it is hard to believe this is my second blog page. My first blog lasted the time it took me to have a bath. I began a blog on observations of life in the suburbs because it is what I do, or so I thought. When it came to it though it wasn't real or true, it was fabricated. Falsity and the life we portray is actually what my attempt at a first book is about so I didn't want to start my blogging life pretending. I do often look at what is going on around me and write about it but not for publication. I generally write for clarification. It is how I make sense of myself and the world around me. <br />
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The world of blogging is totally new to me. My complete knowledge of blogging can be summed up in 3 words, Julie & Julia. That's it - a movie. Why am I doing this? I am not really sure. Maybe it is my way of seeing my words in print. That is probably partially true, I admit it. Isn't every creative person a little conceited like that, but is more than that. I am hoping to reach others with the same passions, frustrations and fears. <br />
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I looked at a couple of blogs and one asked a question, "What advice do you wish you had received before you started blogging?" The common answer was to write about what you are passionate about, what interests you. That is what brought about the change in my blog. I am interested in observing life but what I think about all the time is writing. This was the a-ha moment I had in the bath. I want to write, actually I do write - daily, but at this stage for no-one but myself. One day I would like that to change, but until that magical day comes I will write, write and write a bit more for myself.<br />
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I keep a diary for my day to day thoughts, but I thought it would be fun/scary to keep a diary of my writing life. I am fortunate to have a wonderfully supportive husband who panders to my writing dream. Otherwise I wouldn't have the time to work on my book, home school my two teenage children, write my journal and blog. Maybe he shouldn't encourage me quite so much. He might live a much more settled life if he didn't, although I doubt it. Writing feels like it is in my blood. I can't escape it; believe me I have tried. When people ask me what I am going to do with myself when I finish home schooling I usually tell them I will get an office job, which no doubt I will but what I want to do, the dream that never goes away is, I will write. Why can't I be like normal people and just want a job with regular hours and a regular pay check. I guess it's because that is not me. I am sure I am not the only one that feels this way. Obviously every published author feels or has felt this way but I am sure there are many other people who tap away at keyboards or scribble in notebook after notebook that share my passion for words. I hope so or I truly am as insane as I sometimes feel.Melissa Janehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08382365772510191166noreply@blogger.com2